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How to Select a Therapist We generally spend more time in choosing a new cell phone than in selecting a mental health therapist. Like cell phones or cellular plans, not all therapists are alike or offer the same services. When we are under stress or experiencing a personal or relational crisis, most of us are unable to think clearly about choices in mental health . Frequently, new patients call therapists without researching options. The importance of selecting the best therapist for you can influence the outcome of therapy. Research concludes that the relationship between the patient and therapist is the single most important factor in determining positive results in mental health. Consumer Reports published their findings which identified two critical factors : 1) the quality of the relationship with the therapist. 2) the length of time in treatment –a longer period in therapy, produced better results. Having a plan of action in selecting a therapist will save you time and money and increase the positive outcomes for therapy. Many therapists offer a free consultation on the telephone to assist in deciding whether the services they offer can meet your needs. Preparing for your search for a therapist: • Seek a list of referrals from trusted professionals such as a physician. • Plan to interview at least four or five therapists. • Make a list of questions to ask during interviews. • Write out three objectives you hope to achieve in therapy. • During the interview, notice your comfort level. Do you feel rapport? Does conversation come easily? Possible questions you might ask potential therapists: • Do you work with children, couples or adults? • What is your training and how long have you been a therapist? • Do you have experience in… (specific area)? • Wh at are your fees and the length of sessions? • How often do you recommend attending therapy? • What strategies do you use when working with patients? • How do you measure successful outcomes in treatment? Asking questions about therapy may feel uncomfortable, especially if you have not attended therapy before. While talking to several therapists or getting a referral may feel awkward, remember that you must feel comfortable to share about yourself with the therapist you select. When patients feel unable to speak openly, they are less likely to share personal details or emotions . Any therapist will be more effective when a patient is comfortable and does not feel judged. If your phone interviews lead you to a therapist with whom you do not feel comfortable, do not give up on finding treatment. Decide in advance that what you learn from each person will be valuable whether it is one meeting or many sessions. Never let one bad experience keep you from pursuing the services of another professional. Remember that you can choose who you work with and be active in the process of therapy. Stay informed and become an educated consumer when seeking the support of a therapist. A therapist's job is to assist you; your job is to be willing to receive guidance and make intentional efforts to create the changes you are seeking.

Holidays and family gatherings can be an opportunity to spend quality time with family, appreciate our blessings and celebrate life. Family get-togethers can also aggravate stress, anxiety and create conflict. While we may be grateful to have time with loved ones, we may experience feelings of grief, regret, or resentments from old wounds. Challenging relationships or personal circumstances, traveling, and financial concerns can also trigger emotions that make celebrations feel like negative obligations. To minimize distress, we can choose to control our thoughts and emotions about family engagements through simple actions. While emotions and thoughts are frequently instantaneous reactions to perceptions of a situation, it is a choice how long we allow ourselves to experience these challenging feelings. Next holiday season or family get-together, commit to practicing these strategies to create an atmosphere of connectedness and joy. 1. Be mindful of and in control of your emotions . Acknowledge your feelings but choose not to ruminate on negative emotions. Envision your mind as a radio station. If you find yourself focused on negative thoughts, change the station. Practice shifting your thoughts to positive memories or refocus your attention to something pleasant. Changing your thoughts can be as simple as changing a radio channel to a better station. 2. Be an observer. Be an observer in the room at family events. Observe communication, social interactions or family dynamics. By observing others from a bird's eye perspective, we place ourselves in a learning mode rather than a reactive role. Observing stressful environments helps us realize that we are not forced to feel or react in any preset manner. Shakespeare stated "All the world is a stage and all the men and women are merely players with exits and entrances". Choose your role as an observer and enjoy being in the audience. 3. Learn to step away and breathe. Research proves that controlled breathing changes the physical and emotional state of the body. Take a moment to yourself and breathe deeply for five to ten minutes. Listen to relaxing music or close your eyes for a short period. Give your mind a moment to recharge so being present and relaxed is easier. 4. Focus on the positive. Too often we allow ourselves to be caught up in negativity or other’s emotions and actions. Try observing what is good and joyful in the room. We are responsible for our own happiness. 5. Practice the art of forgiveness. Holding onto to past hurts negatively impacts us mentally and physically. Learn to forgive or accept others as they are. Acceptance of others allows us the freedom to be who we are. Resentments and anger contributes to poor health and denies us of the opportunity to experience joy. Forgiving others helps us forgive ourselves for our own imperfections. 6. Embrace generosity. The act of giving is a highly effective tool in changing our mood. Generosity is not primarily about monetary exchanges. Seek ways to be helpful and kind in your actions when at family gatherings. Offer to help with tasks or keeping an eye on the kids. It is possible you may find joy in the preparations or playing with the children. Ask others about their lives, be interested in sharing stories or offer to pick up a forgotten item to grab a quick break. Learn that small acts of kindness allow us to experience the joy of giving. 7. Be a teacher. "The life you live is the lesson you teach". Consider that you are modeling to others how to interact gracefully in social environments. Whether you have small children, or elderly parents, it is never too late to become the model citizen in the room. Remember, it’s not how you come in, it’s how you go out… Choosing actions that support positive, healthy thoughts around family gatherings, make us less likely to be reactive, use substances, or behave in manners we regret. 8. Choose to create new memories. Once we can step out of the past, we can free ourselves to have experiences that create memories of joy. Remember that others in the family may feel anxious as well and will benefit from improvements in family interactions. Be the change you want to see. There is never a wrong time to make better choices or commit to leading the pack in a positive direction. Today is a great day to learn to enjoy family in a different light.

In the last decade there has been a growing interest in what makes people happy. In addition to ample books on happiness, there are now happiness groups, seminars and even “Happiness Clinics” that individuals attend. While each book or clinic has a different spin on the pursuit of happiness, the research findings about what makes people happy are generally the same. This is what the happiest people say they do: 1. Surround Themselves with Positive, Encouraging People - “Ask me who I am and I’ll show you my friends.” If you are hanging out with cheerful, positive people, the odds are you will be more content. If you are surrounded by negativity, it is likely to rub off on you. Observe your social groups and listen to the messages your social network is conveying. Are the conversations upbeat and grateful or are the discussions full of judgement and resentments? 2. Practice Gratitude- There are good days and bad days, but happy people tend to focus on what they have rather than what they don’t have. Happy people find the good in mishaps, viewing them as opportunities for learning- turning lemons into lemonade. They know how to be present and in the moment. They tend to appreciate what is around them whether it is family, nature or just a good cup of coffee. Happy people appreciate what is good about their lives, even in tough times. 3. Focus on Health- Individuals who reported feeling most content focus on eating well, exercising regularly, and getting adequate rest. Overall, they prioritize taking good care of their physical, emotional and mental health. 4. Maintain strong family and community connections- While not everyone is able to live close to their relatives or has a perfect marriage, the happiest individuals still find ways to prioritize their relationships with friends, family, and in their community. They tend to stay connected to family and friends and consider spending time with loved ones a priority. 5. Focus less on accumulation of wealth or material goods- Surprisingly research indicates that happiness has little to do with economic status. Of course, living in poverty or bankruptcy is stressful: however, those with the most “goods” tend to be less happy than individuals living a more modest lifestyle. 6. Give back to the community- The happiest individuals report being active in volunteer work, helping others, and are invested in their community and youth. Helping others feels good, gets us out of our own lives, and enhances self-esteem. 7. Have a strong spiritual life- Having an active spiritual life is different than having religious affiliations. While many of the happiest persons report being active in religious organizations, what is more important to one’s happiness is having a spiritual connection to a power greater than oneself. Equally important is committing time daily toward meditation and/or prayer. 8. Practice Love and Tolerance- In general, the happiest people tend to be tolerant, less judgmental and tend to trust or have faith in others. They focus on what is positive and good about individuals rather than flaws or differences. Learning to love others, even those who have hurt us is a big step for many. Being released from anger or resentments in forgiveness is a powerful way to experience new sense of freedom. 9. Keep a positive outlook on life- They see the glass half full. They hope for and anticipate positive outcomes. Given what we know about the power of thoughts, the happiest people are more likely to experience positive outcomes they are predicting. 10. Remain Action Oriented and Solution Focused- It is not that happy people do not feel disappointed or sad, they just know how to pick themselves up and keep moving forward in a hopeful, constructive manner. They focus on solutions to problems and act on the solutions. They continue to pursue what brings happiness by accepting that life is full of joyous moments as well as disappointments. 11. Prioritize activities that bring joy- While most people have busy schedules: the happiest folks that make certain to schedule joyful activities in their daily routines. Whether it is running, gardening, yoga or coffee dates, they make time for what produces joy. 12. Choose simplicity- If you haven’t begun to declutter your environment or your mind to decrease stress, this is the time to do it. Research indicates that the happiest individuals live simpler, less complicated lives. Living simply, with less obligations or things to maintain leaves time to do the things you enjoy. Tips for Practicing Happiness Every Day Identify areas that contribute to your happiness. Pinpoint areas of joy that can be expanded. Commit to 30 days of changing routines or thoughts related to happiness. Record your progress and observations. Accept that changing our thoughts and actions requires time and effort. Stay committed in spite of road bumps. Remain hopeful, stay solution-focused and optimistic about your outcomes. Remember that our efforts do not provide instantaneous results: our cumulative daily efforts will lead to a more joyful and happy life. Today is a great day to practice happiness.M.Brauns

Healthy boundaries are essential to healthy relationships. Boundaries are necessary to preserve our individual sense of self and self-esteem. People-pleasers will often agree to ideas and commitments they later regret, or experience feeling hurt and resentful. Stronger personalities may overstep boundaries in an effort to connect or be helpful. Others, may simply want to have things their own way, most of the time. “A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends” When it comes to boundaries and relationships, whatever your personality or communication style is, it is important to understand that boundaries feel different to everyone. To maintain healthy relationships, you must prioritize setting and respecting the boundaries of others: it will determine the quality of your relationships. Understanding and Setting Boundaries: Key Points • Healthy boundaries are necessary to maintain long-lasting relationships. Setting healthy boundaries demonstrates a commitment to the relationship. • Know your boundaries and respect those of others . Healthy relationships require respecting other’s ideas, time and space. • Healthy boundaries include understanding and accepting what is your business and what is not. Issues, emotions and circumstances that are not your own are not your business generally: they are outside of your hula-hoop. Being unconditionally supportive or the persistent “need to help” others, can actually be detrimental; it interferes with the development of self-reliance. • Practice saying No: Do not commit or make agreements under pressure. When we put our needs aside, we create our own problems. A polite No, is more thoughtful than a resentful agreement. • Conversations about boundaries strengthen relationships . It is our responsibility to communicate our needs and feelings about emotional and physical needs. • Healthy boundaries are a two-way street . If you are outspoken, encourage others to make decisions and share their thoughts. If you agree with others more than you speak your truth, learn ways to build confidence about communicating your ideas and thoughts. Both parties in any relationship lose when one person is dominating or if the other maintains the need for “everyone to be happy”. • Share your knowledge about boundaries with others (you are whether you know it). Disclosing efforts at personal-growth encourages growth in others. If you are parents, your children are learning about boundaries from watching your interactions in relationships. Model what it looks like to set and respect boundaries. • Write out a vision of an ideal list for your personal boundaries . Share this list with important people in your life. Encourage others close to you to do the same. Today is a great day to establish healthy boundaries in relationships.

Benefits of Journaling Journaling has regained popularity in recent years in mental health. It has once again become a tool for a variety of mental health conditions including anxiety, depression and reducing stress. Whether you are in therapy or on a path of self-discovery, writing your thoughts and experience is is valuable. Research has proven that strategic, committed journaling can actually change the way one thinks, feels and behaves. Studies reveal that individuals who commit to 30 days of writing daily in a gratitude journal, report significant improvement in their positive outlook on life. An additional benefit is that success in journaling is not impacted by financial circumstances, education, age, or writing skills. Journaling only requires a desire and commitment to the process. While there are technically no wrong or right ways to journal, there are strategies to help get you motivated to begin. Ask yourself about the value you see in journaling and if you can to commit to the process. Discuss lack of motivation or resistance with your therapist or someone who successfully journals. Try following general guidelines to help get you started or research journaling prompts. Tips for Journaling: Buy or find a journal you’d like to use. Keep it in a secure but accessible place. Commit to writing every day for 30 days. Keep going if you enjoy it! Set a consistent time aside each day for journaling. It doesn’t need to take 1 hour; start with a 5-minute commitment. Once you begin writing, keep your momentum going. Write anything that comes to mind… Write honestly. While journaling is a creative form of writing, in order to gain self-awareness, it is not intended to be fictional. Accept that journaling is not about using correct grammar or perfect writing skills. Allow yourself to be spontaneous. Be confident that no one is going to read your journal. (If you believe there are boundary issues in your home, learn how to set boundaries. Keep your journal at work or in a locker at school if you must.) If you feel blocked in writing, use prompts from journaling books or websites. Try gratitude journaling, or focus on journaling about something of interest to you. (i.e. parenting, relationships, childhood memories). Do not critique or judge your own writing. The key is honesty and spontaneity. Make sure you are not censoring your writing. Ask yourself if you are writing what you think should do or feel or if it is what you really feel, what really happened or what you wish happened? Look forward to the self-discovery in your writing. Even facing hard truths leads to a more peaceful way of living. Do not be stingy with yourself about journals if possible. Buy a cover you enjoy and replace journals frequently. When you are ready to start a new journal, do it. Some people ceremoniously burn or destroy journals when complete. Develop your own traditions with journaling. Have fun with it and enjoy the process. Just get started. The longer you journal, the sooner you will develop a routine and style that works for you. Allow yourself to discover your truth through journaling. It is an excellent tool in the process of self-awareness and change. Self-awareness can help you understand your emotions and behaviors and can create opportunities for change. Journaling is easy, inexpensive, and well worth the effort. Today is a great day to begin journaling.

Relationships suffer with unresolved conflict. Even strong relationships become vulnerable when problems occur and no resolution is in sight. Unresolved conflict that becomes circular, hostile and resentful can chip away at the foundation of any relationship. Learning the art of apologizing and forgiveness is critical in relationships. We all have days when we are not our best self and we make mistakes or poor choices. "To error is to be human". When our words, decisions, or mistakes hurt others, intentionally or not, we must learn to apologize. Resolving conflict with grace brings us closer together: unresolved conflict can break down any relationship. Apologizing can be difficult; it is natural to feel justified in action or not want to accept responsibility for mistakes. Barriers to apologizing include disagreement about the problem, or the fear of admitting we are wrong. Feeling vulnerable when we apologize is common. It is most important to understand that we can increase intimacy and strengthen our relationships by learning to apologize. Apologizing can be this simple: 1) State with sincerity that you are sorry 2) Identify what you can do better 3) State your intention to respond differently in the future. 4) Be willing to listen to feedback without defending your actions. 5) Accept that forgiveness may take a little time. Forgiveness is Underrated While apologizing can be hard, forgiving others when we feel wronged can be even more difficult. Once you have received a sincere apology, it is a choice how to proceed. Forgive the offense or harbor resentment? Choose to trust the sincerity or make exit plans? Holding onto resentments or past events will eventually lead to the unraveling of relationships. Practice forgiving even when it is difficult. Forgiving can leave us feeling vulnerable: we are fearful that we may be hurt again. Learn the skills to apologize and the skills to forgive. Forgiveness of others is a true statement of love. In forgiveness we are saying, I love and value you even though we are both imperfect. When we forgive others, we are able to free ourselves of anger and negativity that hurts us. We are also able to reopen the door to communication and intimacy in our important relationships. “Forgiveness is the truest form of love. It takes a strong person to apologize and even a stronger person to forgive." Today is a great day to learn how to apologize and how to forgive.

Perfectionism is linked to anxiety and physical health conditions. Striving for perfection can lead to procrastination, low self-esteem, loss of motivation and impact our relationships. Knowing perfectionism is bad for our health and relationships, why do we still strive for perfection? There is no easy or perfect answer… To begin, it is important to recognize that American culture and social media continue to play a role in the idealization of perfectionism. In general, educators measure success by accuracy more frequently than effort. Supervisors push for increased productivity rather than creativity. Teenagers still hope for acceptance by conforming to social trends rather than individuality. Even with the notion of individualism trending, conformity still remains a powerful force in our society. Perfectionism can originate from our individual personality and genetic make-up. We may also be impacted and develop traits from early parenting. Often, we praise children for “getting it right” rather than the effort that was made. Worse, children may be ignored or even shamed for “getting in wrong”. Perfectionists are frequently procrastinators, paralyzed to move forward without a perfect strategy or laid out plan of action. Unable to take risks or try new things, the perfectionist is not likely to achieve their full potential. Rather than seeing failed attempts as an opportunity for learning, perfectionists see failure as a time to quit or give up. Perfectionism is associated with chronic stress and anxiety, lack of motivation and confidence, and adversely affects physical health. Perfectionists have increased risk for mental and physical health complications: a recent study revealed that perfectionists increased their risk of death by 51%. The irony -countless research studies reveal that those who take risks and learn from mistakes are destined to learn more, retain more and perform better at all levels than the perfectionist! So, the perfectionist who is striving to be the best, with the highest standards for self, is the least likely to achieve the best results! Willingness to tolerate failed attempts, realistic expectations and redefining our view of success can increase our likelihood of achieving our potential. University driven experiments conducted with student participants focused on Learning, Memory and Cognition revealed interesting conclusions about how we learn. Research concluded that learning increases if conditions are designed for students to make errors. Students were ten percent more likely to remember information, or perform higher tests if conditions for testing were arranged to be more difficult on the first exam. On the contrary, students given optimal study conditions who performed well on the first exam, scored significantly lower on the second try. The old saying, “we learn the most from our mistakes” is not just a feel better statement. Learning to embrace the importance of failure or making mistakes is not an easy task. Try these tasks to get started: 1) Be aware of a tendency toward perfectionism. 2) Take a personal inventory on how perfectionism has impacted your life, health or choices. 3) Understand that anything learned can be unlearned: you have the power to retrain your thought patterns. 4) Practice taking risks in areas you are probable to make a mistake. 5) Embrace the gift of imperfection: success is achieved by experiencing failure. Learn to accept getting it wrong to get it right. Today is a great day to accept being Perfectly Imperfect.

Chronic Stress is known to lead to a multitude of health conditions and shorten one's life expectancy. Stress negatively impacts our health, work life and relationships. Whether you are experiencing stress at home, work or in relationships, learning practical ways to reduce your stress will benefit you and those around you. Practice these strategies daily to reduce stress: Just Breathe! Relax in minutes…thru breathing. Breathing correctly helps oxygenate your blood and centers your body. The result is calm and clear thinking. Breathing exercises require only a few minutes of time, minimal effort and training. Try inhaling counting to 3 and exhaling counting to 5, making certain your diaphragm is moving in with inhaling and back out with exhaling. Practice for 3-5 minutes Listen to Music -Discover sounds that relax you! Stressful situations can be overcome by taking a break and listening to relaxing music. Playing calm music has a positive effect on the brain and body. It can lower blood pressure and reduces cortisol, a hormone linked to stress. If music doesn’t relax you, try ocean or nature sounds which can result in similar relaxing effects. Call a Friend or Family Member Call a friend to talk or call to check in on their life. Talking to trusted friends is always a good escape from a stressful situation. Friends and family can help put things in perspective: even the voice of a trusted person can have a calming effect. By supporting a friend and being a listener, you can get out of your head and feel the benefit of helping another. Talk Yourself through Stress If calling someone is not an option, talking to yourself is a better option than freaking out. Talking out loud to yourself about the reason you are stressed, or what you need to do to complete a task actually works. Remind yourself it will be okay and that most stressful situations are not life threatening. Talking to yourself is not crazy, it is effective. Eat Smart Committing to a healthy diet is easy to say but hard to do. Stress levels and a healthy diet are closely linked. When we are most stressed, we forget to eat well. We try to save time by using quick “pick me ups”, (coffee or sugar) which doesn't last. Plan ahead if you are aware that stressful times may on your schedule. Add fruits, fish and other brain foods to your shopping list. Avoid fast food or processed food when possible. Laugh You can laugh or you can cry-both reactions release endorphins that improve mood and decrease stress hormones. Laughing tricks our nervous system into making us happy. Watch a favorite sit-com, movie clip, or You-Tube video. Think of things that make you laugh and keep them accessible. Call a friend or speak with a colleague who always makes you laugh. Laughter is the best medicine in health and in stressful times. Mindfulness Mindfulness has gained momentum in the health industry. Being mindful requires being present, and aware of your emotions and actions at the same time. Practicing mindfulness daily is calming and helps to reduce stress levels. Participation in Yoga, meditation groups or guided meditation are all great ways to learn or practice mindfulness. Drink Tea Caffeine increases blood pressure and creates adrenal overdrive. So while coffee or caffeine helps keep you going, it also stresses you out. Tea has half the caffeine of coffee and contains healthy antioxidants. If you are not in the mood for tea, choose water. Staying well-hydrated is an important component of any health routine. Exercise (Even for a Minute) Let go of traditional views of exercise. Embrace that a short walk around the block or morning stretches can offer immediate stress relief. Blood movement releases endorphins and can instantaneously improve your mood. Disliking the gym is no excuse when push-ups, jumping jacks or planking in your office can do the trick. Exercising for only a few minutes several times a day is great for stress reduction: you can build endurance towards longer time increments and get your blood and endorphins moving. Prioritize Sleep Lack of sleep is a key cause of stress. Once our sleep cycle is out of whack, it can be a difficult pattern to break. Medical attention may be necessary to achieve the needed seven to eight hours of sleep recommended for good health. Simple changes like shutting down the internet or TV at a specific time, effective time management, and committing to a sleep routine will help to make sleep a priority. Ask for Help Consider Stress Reduction Education and Coaching. Stress is manageable and even better, you can reduce it with effort. Practice strategies to reduce or eliminate stress, at home, or at the workplace. Many people benefit from coaching or help from a therapist to develop and commit to a plan for stress reduction. If you are struggling with stress seek support. Having an objective person to speak with can assist with accountability and developing a stress reduction plan. The cost of support is minimal in comparison to the cost of health conditions related to stress. Today is a great day to begin reducing stress in your life.