Rules for fighting fair

Rules for fighting fair

Rules for fighting Fair  

Arguing and disagreeing is a part of any intimate relationship. Having arguments with loved ones is not an indicator of having a poor relationship.  On the contrary, relationships in which arguments do not occur are far more likely to end.  Arguing is a form of communication that with practice and ground rules, can be a constructive tool in building and maintaining intimacy.


1. No Interrupting. Take turns talking and listening
2. No Name Calling or Put Downs
3. No yelling or raising ones voice- a calm voice is more easily heard
4. Stick to the issue
5.  Do not bring up the past
6. Avoid generalizations like always or never
7. Be specific and honest about what the issue is
8. Avoid accusations-Use I Statements, "I feel"...
9. Stick to the facts-avoid exaggerating or making assumptions
10. Agree to remain calm-otherwise continue the conversation when emotions are less heated.
11. Arguments must be in words, never with physical action.
12. No stonewalling or walking away-if one feels unable to continue, agree to discuss later

Additional Suggestions: 

1) Hang a copy of this list on your refrigerator or key location in the house.
2) Agree to ground rules for fighting fair before arguments occur.
3) Add to your list when you find constructive ways to discuss difficult topics.

 

 

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